15 Dumb Things Strangers Have Said to Me:

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dumb people
  1. “Mommy, it talks!” (six year old after I politely told her hi when I caught her staring at me)
  2. “How did you get that way?” (Uhh… Depends on what you believe?)
  3. “Does it hurt to break a bone?” (What do you think? How about I run over your toes with this 400 lb wheelchair and we’ll see how you feel.)
  4. “It’s eating chicken wings all by itself!” (Exclaimed by an old lady to an entire food court in a mall.)
  5. “What a cute baby!” (Dude, I’m pretty sure I could teach you curse words you never knew existed. Can your baby do that? I hope not.)
  6. “Can you stand up so I can pat you down?” (TSA agent. I mean, so you think I’d be in this $78K wheelchair if I could?!)
  7. “How old is she?” (Directed at my aide while I’m sitting right there. Right THERE. This happens all the time unfortunately. I’m short, not mute!)
  8. “Can you have an intimate relationship?” (Asked in front of an entire college biology class I was giving a talk to. I mean, I wouldn’t tell you one way or another!)
  9. “Can I kiss you?” (Remember, these are from STRANGERS. Uh, NO??)
  10. “Would you like to start off with a Shirley Temple?” (Asked by a waitress when I was 25 and wearing a strapless shirt and make-up. I promptly answered, “Sure if you add vodka to it.”)
  11. “Look, it drives itself!” (Yeah, idiot, IT does.)
  12. “Let me get you a children’s menu.” (Let me get you a conk on the head.)
  13. “Oh you poor thing.” (Only monetarily ma’am. If you’d like to help me, I take donations to my concert-going fund.)
  14. “You’re going to choke if you eat laying down.” (Really? 28+ years and I’ve only semi-choked once…sitting up. I feel like I got this.)
  15. “You are so adorable.” (And they mean that in the five-year-old way. I’ll show you adorable you….)